The Ultimate Joke Thread

[King Aquamentus]

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I don't get it. :/




Anyways, two asylum inmates are escaping one night, when part of their path requires them to jump a gap between two buildings. One of the men can easily clear it, the other is not so sure.

"Alright I have an idea" one of them says. "I'll jump across, then shine my flashlight in this direction. Then you can walk across the beam to get to the other side."

"Are you nuts!?" The other man says, clearly aware of a major fault in logic.

"You'd turn the beam off when I was halfway across!!"


-Batman: The Killing Joke

[King Aquamentus]

Time for an actual joke



When Fara Fawcet died, she approached the gates of heaven and was met by Saint Peter.

"Fara, now that you are here, you may have one wish. It can any wish you desire, and it will be done."

"Well," Fara responded, "More than anything, I wish for all the world's children to be safe from any who would do them wrong."

Saint Peter snaps his fingers, and sure enough Michael Jackson dies and pops up next to her.

"Ooooh, where am I?" He asks.

Saint Peter repeats. "Michael, now that you are here, you may have one wish. It can be anything you want, just name it."

"Well," Michael replies, "Me and my siblings never really liked our father very much. When I grew up I tried to distance myself as much as possible from him. See, that's why I got so white. Do you have anything that could bleach my complexion permanently?"

So, Saint Peter snapped his fingers and another person popped up next to Michael.

"HI, BILLY MAYES HERE WITH OXY CLEAN"