Gather around, bitches.

[Darth Marsden]

...last bit.

[The Parliament building, dawn. The whole party pull up to the small dock at one end of the grounds. They all climb out, Darth leading the pack]

Steve: Here we are at the Parliament buildin'.
Mime: Ze Prime Minister is inside.
Darth: [Rushing towards the building] Well come on, let's hurry! It's almost time!

[The rest of the group follow him up to the Parliament building entrance. Warlock knocks on the heavy wooden doors. A wooden panel opens up to reveal a window. A doorman looks out through it]

Doorman: Yeeeeeeeees?
Warlock: We need to see the new Prime Minister.
Doorman: Ha! Impossible! The new Prime Minister isn't seeing anybody! [He slams the window shut]
Mime: Oh well, zo much for zat. [He turns around and slowly walks away]
Steve: Yeah, we gave it our best, but our best wasn't good enough, eh? [He joins the Mime]
Warlock: No no no, I'm not having that. He's gonna see us, one way or another. [He knocks on the door again. Steve and the Mime turn around]
Doorman: [Opens his window again] Yeeeeeeeees?
Warlock: Look, we've come from way, way out and we are ging to see the Prime Minister one way or another. So let us in already!
Doorman: [With a big smug grin on his face] The Prime Minister isn't here. He's in China on official business. So you might as well go home. Bu-bye!
Warlock: [Defeated] Then that's it. We... We're never going to get the cafe back... [He walks away and sits on the stairs leading up to the building]
Darth: What? Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. Let us in before I rip you open and rearrange your organs in alphabetical order.
Doorman: Of course not, you English pig!
Darth: THANK YOU. Wait... I'm not a pig, you Canadian piece of crap!
Doorman: You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Sith-Lord, you and your silly English K...kaniggets. [He puts his hands to his ears and blows a raspberry]
Daarkseid: ...what a strange person.
Darth: Dammit, you miserable excuse for a human being, let us in already!
Doorman: I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Moocow: ...is there someone else there we can talk to?
Doorman: No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Darth: [Suddenly twigs] Jesus, have you only just seen that film or something?
Doorman: Smelly English K...niggets ... and Monsieur Sith Lord, who has the brain of a duck, you know. We outwit you again, perfidious English mousedropping hoarders ... how you say: "Begorrah!"
Darth: Oh Jesus Christ...
Doorman: How you English say: I one more time, mac, I unclog my nose towards you, sons of a window-dresser! You think you could out-clever us Canadian fellows with your silly knees-bent creeping about advancing behavior. [Blows a raspberry] I wave my private parts at your aunties, you brightly-colored, mealy-templed, cranberry-smelling, electric donkey-bottom biters.
Daarkseid: What the hell is he babbling about?
Darth: It's a British thing, you Yanks wouldn't get it. [To the doorman] Last bloody chance. Let us in or I really let loose.
Doorman: No chance, English bed-wetting types. We burst our pimples at you, and call your door-opening request a silly thing. You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!
Darth: That's it. I'm gonna kill them all. [He raises his left hand and the Doorman starts to chock. Darth closes the hand into a fist and a loud, audible snap is heard. The Doorman hangs from the window, dead]
Moocow: Oh my God, you killed a Canadian!
Daarkseid: You bastard!

[CUT TO inside the Parliament building, facing the outer door. We see the Doorman slump onto the floor and then Darth's lightsaber piercing through the door, cutting a large hole in it. Once it's gone round in a complete circle, it flies across the room into a large group of soldiers. Darth and Co. TM move into the building. The remaining guards start towards them, but stop when Darth turns towards them, his eyes burning red. The group walks down a long hallway and approach a large sanctum with three fire pits. Two small ones burn before and on each side of the huge one, which sits at the center and has a hologram of the Prime Minister hovering over it]

Prime Minister: I am the Prime Minister of Canada, and all that. Now whaddya want?
Warlock: [Steps forward] Sir, you recently passed a new law allowing Canadian land owners who have given up their old properites for whatever reason to change their minds and take it back. Our whole comunity was-
Scott: [He suddenly appears with the Gintses, holding the keys to the Cafe] Not so fast, you American scum!
Darth: Right, that's it. [He throws his saber at Scott and nicely slices him through the middle. He falls apart as Darth's saber returns to him. The others look at him] What? He knew I was British, I told him twice. Don't look at me like that.
Warlock: [Turning back to the Prime Minister] Please, sir. I came because I don't think we should have our cafe taken away from us like this. Owning a property isn't about who legally owns the building, it's about the people who run it, who visit it, who help maintain it. Sure, maybe it wasn't built by us in the first place, but we've taken what we aquired and made it so much more. A community center, a focus point for us all to relax and enjoy each others company. So many friendships have been founded there, it almost seems like a family's front room. Please... don't take that away from us. [The Gintses have tears in their eyes]
Prime Minister: That is a great speech, guy. But the answer is no! All of my new laws will stay in effect forever!
Mountie: Then, I suppose us mounties will never get our horses.
Mime: And we won't get our wine.
Steve: And we can't perform sodomy, eh?
Moocow: ...why are you making such strange laws? I mean, no wine? No horses?
Darth: Yeah, what's up with that?
Prime Minister: I SAID GO!
Darth: Actually, you never did say that.
Prime Minister: ...whatever. Just get out. Now!
Warlock: [Noticing a purple curtain nearby] ...I hope to God that's not what I think it is.
Prime Minister: What? No, leave that alone.
Warlock: [Clearly he doesn't. Pulling it back, he reveals LightningZ behnd it, cramped behind a console] What the hell?
LightningZ: Uh oh. Uh, don't mind that guy hiding in the spider hole, he's just my friend.
Daarksied: What the hell's HE doing here?
Moocow: He must have thought this was hell. Darth did kill him and all.
Mime: But zis explains everything! Za new Prime Minister was a zcript kiddie, trying to take over our beloved Canada like Saddam Hussein before him.
LightningZ: No! I was just... I... Oh, 5hit.

[The remaining guards all pounce on him. His screams are utterly pathetic, sounding more like a cross between a pregnant woman and a drowning cat. The group turn away]

Mountie: Wait a minute. This means all the Prime Minister's new laws are null and void. We can have our horses back!
Mime: And we can drink our wine.
Steve: And I can sodomize me boys again.
Harry Gint: [Picking up the keys from Scott's body and walking over to Warlock] You... must really care about that cafe to have come all this way.
Elise Gint: Perhaps we were wrong to try and take it back. It doesn't belong with us here. It belongs with it's family.

[Harry hands over the keys to Warlock, who smiles gratefully. Suddenly an alarm goes off. Darth pulls out his watch and looks at it]

Daarkseid: What is it?
Darth: It's started. We officially missed it. Doctor Who's starting right now and... I'm in Canada.
Warlock: Well yeah, but ah-we got the cafe back.
Darth: Yeah! We got our cafe back, but I missed Doctor Who! And what did I tell you, man?! told you that if we didn't make it back in time for the new series I was gonna whup your ass, didn't I?!
Warlock: Come on, man. There'll be repeats!
Darth: Well now you're gonna get it! That's right! You and me! Right now! We're havin' it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on!!

[Darth puts up his left fist, his right hand still in his pocket. Warlock reluctantly meets Darth's challenge and after dodging his swing, whacks him on the right arm. Darth suddenly freezes and clutches the arm in agony, falling to his knees as he does so]

Moocow: Oh, now why did you do that?
Warlock: What?
Moocow: You knew that was his bad shoulder!
Daarkseid: Yeah, he's done nothing but complain about it for the past month!
Warlock: ...oh yeah.
Moocow: 'Oh yeah'? That's all you've got to say?
Warlock: Well look, why did he take the sling off?
Daarkseid: It kept getting caught in doors!
Warlock: ...right, yeah, it did. Well look, I thought it had healed!
Moocow: There was a reason he kept it in his pocket! [Looks at the camera] Did you at home figure it out?
Mountie: [Wandering over] Is he all right?
Warlock: Yeah, he's just upset 'cause he missing the new Doctor Who.
Mountie: Oh, but he can watch it here! We pay for a third of that show, you know. Come on, we'll watch it on the big screen!

[They fiddle with the wires behind the giant floating head and the picture changes to show that Doctor Who is just starting. Warlock helps Darth up and together they sit down and watch it. A caption reads '45 minutes later' as the show finishes]

Daarkseid: Well, that was crap.
Warlock: Yeah, absolute rubbish.
Darth: [After a slight pause] ...dammit!

THE END

That's it, done. Glad you all enjoyed them, since aside from Firefox screwing around, it was actually pretty fun to do. And I have honestly never gotten so much green rep over a single thread before, The Ultimate Joke Thread included.

So yeah, I'm done with these. No more South Park rip-offs. BUT if you're very, VERY good, I may let you see the first chapter of a novel I've been writing. But you'll have to be on your best behavior!

[Pineconn]

Let us in before I rip you open and rearrange your organs in alphabetical order.

LOL! I remember [that] now! (You asked what games were bad, then you said if anyone said ET that you would rearrange our organs in alphabetical order, so I said it for fun. Then that was your response. XD)

Ahh, that was a great read. Once I can give you more rep, I think I will. Well, one last one:

O ye gods, ye gods,
Why must it end? Well, this sucks.
Time to go chop logs.

That was my best haiku ever! Okay, not. Whatever. That really was a great story/TV show/parody/play/skit/fic. But one problem - it needs a title.

[Darth Marsden]

Titles, you say?

- Not Dead Yet
- Customer Satisfaction
- Episode 1

And don't worry about more green rep, I've got plenty as it is.

[Pineconn]

BUT if you're very, VERY good, I may let you see the first chapter of a novel I've been writing. But you'll have to be on your best behavior!

I swear that wasn't there before.

I've been real good the past few days, ma. :)

[Glenn the Great]

Note: The image for this thread is currently down, and will be restored later.

Now that the contest is over, I can participate!

Announcer: Now, the show you've all been waiting for.....

"AGNerds"!!!!!!

-The opening starts to play, with some cheesy radical surfer style music, lots of crazy camera action, featuring various AGNerd antics. This goes on for a little while, until you hear a record rapping noise as the music cuts.

-War Lord steps onto the scene in full wigger garb, backwards hat, and microphone. The camera zooms out a bit to accomodate him.

-Gangsta rap music starts playing as he starts to rap about caps and cops as Moocow dances, and Goat is in the background squatting and crossing his arms, over and over again.

-Someone in the audience starts to boo.

-The music cuts, and the camera changes to the back of the audience, where we see Lightningz standing up in his seat saying....

Lightningz: u suk, worlord! be quite

-We see Breaker, dressed in a red Power Ranger outfit, walk up, grab Lightningz, and then drag him off the set.

*****Camera goes back to War Lord.*******

War Lord: Alright homies, it's time to do this.

-Goat nods.

War Lord: We're about to have 2007's AGN Convention! We've finally sold enough Premium Memberships to rent out the Ohio State Fairgrounds for a whole day!

War Lord: What do you niggers think?

-The audience cheers and hollars.

War Lord: Everything is going to be there. Can you say Poker? Can you say Beer? Can you say Wii?

-Audience cheers.

War Lord: Well, to be specific, we really only raised enough to pay my way. Unfortunately, you all will have to pay your own way in. But we'll have a lot of fun! Come on!

-War Lord waves his arm in a "come here" motion.

******* Transition to Ohio State Fair ***********

-It's a bright, sunny day outdoors at the Ohio State Fairgrounds. We see a line of AGNerds at the toll booth, handing over large wads of cash, getting their hands stamped, and walking into the park, where they all start to congregate on the grass in a nearby open area.

-In this scene, we can see War Lord, Goat, Glitch, Biggiy, Moocow, Goki, Ganonator, Archibaldo, Master Ghaleon, Cyberkitten, Dechipher, MrCow, AMaster, and Daarkseid. Some of them are playing together on their Nintendo DSs.

War Lord: Good to see most of my bitches are here! We just need 3 more people, and we'll have enough people to attempt to set a new record for piling people into my ride!

Biggiy: Who are we missing?

Glitch: Starkist is still supposed to get here.

War Lord: Damn, we're still going to need two more....

-Starkist is seen walking onto the scene, holding hands with two unknown males who appear to be in their late teens.

Goki: G'day mate! Who's with ya?

Starkist: Hope you don't mind me bringing along my two new boyfriends. Meet Harvey..... and Talyn.

AMaster: They're gay! Ewwwwwww!

-Ganonator walks over to AMaster, kicks him, grabs his nipple, and twists. AMaster cries out in pain.

********** Transition to a rickety fench in an overgrown area on the outskirts of the fairgrounds **********

-Here we see Lightningz and ZeldaFan500 creeping up to the fence. They are both holding PDAs.

Lightningz: k, were here

ZeldaFan: What r we doing again?

Lightningz: get reveng on AGN for baning us

ZeldaFan: What r we going to do?

Lightningz: sneek in convenshun. they got zc source on disk in clubhose. u spy on worlord. and frends. pda has internet. send pm on agn forms when coast cleer. i chek, go in cubhouse, taik source

ZeldaFan: i sure hope u know what ur doing......

********* Transition to War Lord's car **********

-War Lord's lowrider is packed with people. Everyone but Dechipher is packed in the car.

War Lord: Almost there! One more for a new record! We can do it, bitches. Squeeze in Dech!

-Dechipher examines a few doors, trying to find a place to squeeze in. He places a foot inbetween Ganonator and AMaster, and tries to force his way in.

-Hacking and coughing is heard from somewhere inside the car.

Daarkseid: Can't.......breathe...... asthma....... attt......

Glitch: Ghaleon, I told you not to eat those Carnival Beans!

-Ghaleon is seen with a doleful look on his face.

Moocow: He'll die!

War Lord: Alright niggers, out of my wheels, fast....

-The car shakes, and shakes, and no one can get out. They are stuck.

******** Transition to a treetop. The car is seen a few dozen yards away. **********

-ZeldaFan is in the treetops with binoculars. He grabs his PDA and starts typing a private message on AGN.

ZeldaFan>>>>> War Lord and all his friends are stuck in their car. They can't get out. You have time. Move.

Lightningz>>>>>> shur? how u knwo?

ZeldaFan>>>>>>>> I'm hiding up in a tree just a few hundred feet from War Lord's car.

Lightningz>>>>>> u bee seen?

ZeldaFan>>>>>> No, it's a good tree. Biggest one at the park. Lots of branches. Good for hiding.

Lightningz>>>>>>>> i taik source. keep lookowt

*********** Transition to AGN Clubhouse **********

-Lightningz is seen sneaking very stealthily into the clubhouse. It has a big banner colored in markers that says "AGN Convention 2007". He looks around, and finds a desk. He opens the drawers and starts fumbling around.

Lightningz: Ahahaaaaaa!!

-Lightningz pulls out a CD ROM labeled Zelda Classic v 2.4 Source (Win/Linux). He places it on the desk, and pulls out his PDA.

Lightningz >>>>>>> i find source. we leeve.

<submit>

-Lightningz stares at his PDA for a few moments

Lightninz: dam slow servur. i gonna offur worlord hosting. i got 200 survers. fiber optik

-Lightningz stares at it a bit longer.

-Footsteps are heard

Lightning: fastr... fast....


-Here we see Breaker stride quickly into the room in his red power ranger outfit. He walks without hesitation towards Lightningz.

-Lightningz turns, cries out, and starts to run, but stumbles a bit.

-Breaker is too fast. He reaches out, grabs Lightningz by the back of his coat, easily lifts him off the ground, and carries him out of the clubhouse.

-Lightningz is wailing and thrashing his legs, struggling to no avail to break free.

-Breaker pulls out a pair of handcuffs, shoves Lightningz on the ground, steps on his neck, and cuffs his hands together as Lightningz squirms on the ground, his yelps muffled in the dirt.



-Breaker then proceeds to carry Lightningz off the screen like he's carrying a bag of trash.

*********** Cut to the large open area from the beginning of the fair scene ****************

-We see that all the AGNerds are gathered around a cattle cart that is now parked in the grass, hooked up to the back of War Lord's car. ZeldaFan is already in it, locked inside.

-Breaker opens the cart. ZeldaFan tries to dash out, Breaker kicks him back in, and throws Lightningz on top of him, quickly slamming the door shut and relocking it.

Lightningz: u got cot too?

-ZeldaFan's lip is trembling.

War Lord: They thought they could steal the source. We've called the FBI, and they'll be here any minute now.

Lightningz: how u know my plan? it too good to be fail.

-A loud swoosh is heard, along with a familiar tune from Zelda: Wind Waker.

-Dark Nation flies onto the scene riding a magical flying carpet.

Dark Nation: I think I can answer that!

AMaster: DARK NATION!!!!!!!

-AMaster drops to the ground and bows, as most of the AGNerds kneel in respect.

Dark Nation: *chuckle* *chuckle* They shouldn't have been so foolish as to be discussing their plans on AGN's Private Message system. I just recently coded a hack with my l33t programming skills allowing me to read all AGN members' private messages.

Dark Nation: Let that be a lesson to you all. Never say anything in PM that you don't want the whole world knowing, or at least the Admins!

-Everyone has a look of awe on their face.

Dark Nation: And with that being said, I am off. Much work to do, many custom enemies to code!

Dark Nation: Squaddalah!!!

-With Dark Nation's command, the carpet takes off into their air, and sails out of sight, once again with a whoosh, and a familiar Wind Waker tune.

-Ooohs and aaahs are heard from the crowd.

Glitch: Time to punish these fuckers.

********* Camera cuts to Master Ghaleon, as he mouths down a spoonful of beans ********

-We see ZeldaFan and Lightningz, tied to the ground, as Master Ghaleon squats down right above their faces and smiles.

********** Freeze Frame ********
-Directed by Glenn the Great
********** Roll Credits ********
********** Audience Applauding as Credits Roll *********
***** (c) Glenn Corps. 2007

[Darth Marsden]

Ha! Good stuff. But where was I?

[Glenn the Great]

Ha! Good stuff. But where was I?

You were too cool to be at the convention. But you'll definitely show up in a later episode, just wait and see!

[Darth Marsden]

...forgiven. This time.

[Pineconn]

You were too cool to be at the convention. But you'll definitely show up in a later episode, just wait and see!

*waits*

*waits*

*works on Level 9 of his quest*

*waits*

[Glenn the Great]

*waits*

*waits*

*works on Level 9 of his quest*

*waits*

Don't rush me, I have to have time to foment in my creative juices.