I saw this at another forum and thought it was funny so I thought I'd post. ^_^
Well Mario was a bit of a troubled youth... occassional trouble with the law, drug possession, drunken behaviour, graffitti ect. But teasing the poor monkey at the zoo was his undoing. One day, that animal got pretty darn annoyed, tore open its cage, and grabbed his girlfriend at the time. (Donkey Kong) Mario fought back & got back his ungreatful hussy.
Mario by now realizes all of those barrels he made as a carpenter were pretty shoddy, and the workplace health and standards of leaving drums of fire around was pretty stupid too. So Mario heard there was money cleaning out the bowels of the city. (Mario Bros) Soon enough he had some cash.
Then, Mario and his brother, Luigi heard about some chick who'd been kidnapped. (Super Mario Bros) So they headed out, on a bit of recreational drugs on the way and spend the majority of their cash. Magic Mushrooms, Fire Flowers ect. They got a bit frustrated at the "The princess is in another castle" Schtick pretty soon, but rescued the broad, only to have her get herself kidnapped again. This time the poison mushrooms gave him the occassional bad batch (Lost Levels)
Extremely frustrated, Mario's troubled past caught up with him, and in a drug induced state, dreamt of some crap world where he picked crap up and flung it around. (SMB 2)
With the princess, but flirting around, Mario found some love in Daisy, only to have her kidnapped. (SM Land) He rescued her... but she turned out to be a dirty tentacle monster.
Extremely depressed, Mario became a bit of a Furry (SMB3) liking to dress up as frogs, Racoons and such. Still taking the drugs, Mario instigated a plan with Bowser to make him feel like a big man so he could go and rescue the princess and such. After this, Mario decided to indulge in some rather boring pasttimes.
Such as Golf (Mario Golf), Pinball(Mario pinball), and the extremely irritating Picross(Marios picross). With the onset of depression, mario posed as a Doctor (Dr Mario) and became able to get prescribed drugs to help him escape reality.
After a quick lapse into his Furry ways (6 golden coins) Mario was on the road to recovery.... he booked himself into Rehab (Mario is missing) without letting his brother, Luigi know because he was so drugged out at the time.
After this, Mario decided the best way to prove he was clean, was to show off his motor skills and hand eye co-ordination... what better way than Karting! (Mario Kart)
However, after a bitter loss, Bowser got pissed, kidnapped Princess Peach Toadstood and such. (SM World) Mario again went out to rescue her, and was aided by a "Spirit Guide" known as Yoshi. Mario also wore his undies on the outside and donned a cape in this embaressing venture. Saving the princess and recieving Media attention, Mario gets his first stalker - Wario.
Overweight and delusional, Wario set out to steal Mario's limelight. (SM Land 3) This bit of competition intreagued mario, as he agreed to therapy, and began to talk about his childhood, which had been warped by his drug abuse (Yoshi's Island)
After completing all of the therapy, a confrontation with his Brother after being ignored in a recent adventure (Super Mario RPG), Luigi's rage overcame him, and he threw mario out, and refused to be his sponsor. After a night of heavy drinking, Mario was off the saddle... and back on Yoshi's back... what with a gun this time, attacking innocent people. (The game with the Bazooka)
After a night of regret, Mario's sweet talking to Peach got him out of Jail, and he was pretty keen to prove himself to the public again. After taking part in some art courses (Mario paint) and "saving the world" from Wario putting a bucket on his head (That other game with the mouse) Setting up a ruse with Bowser, to make him feel like a big man and in turn handed over the Stars and such, Mario set out and "Defeated" him again. (SMB 64)
Eager to show his happy side again, (Masked by Anti Depressants) Mario took another slip into recreation, with Karting (MK64) Golf (MG 64) and finally a party which was then turned into many similar and ultimately boring parties (Mario Parties franchise)
From there, Mario reconciled with Luigi and went on a diet (Paper Mario), showing the kingdom and even a short fat dude can lose weight. After this achievement, he slunk back into binging.
Mario was so drunk at this time, plus he'd gotten himself into a great deal of debt, and the only way he knew out was to start posing as Luigi, signing his name for bills at every turn and taking his credit card. By chance, Mario signed Luigi up for a win a house promotion, and by golly, Luigi won it (Luigi's mansion).
Extremely irritated by his Brother's windfall, Mario called up his old mates and they had a bit of biff (Super Smash Brothers). Coming off second best, Mario took himself off to a holiday in the tropics paid for from Luigi's Credit Card. While there, Mario was overcome by a childish urge to graffitti everything like he'd done back in Brooklyn. (Super Mario Sunshine) before denying he did anything. Unfortunately for him, he was sentanced to community service. Fortunately, he found a scapegoat. Bowser.
Coming back from the trip, fatter than ever, Mario decided to diet again (Paper Mario 2) and once again went recreational (Golf, Karting) but it lacked the shine it once had.
Luigi, still oblivious to this fact his card was gone, had racked up a lot of bonus flight points and off the brothers went to Beanland (Mario and Luigi) After fun there, they came home to find an overdue bill. Luigi went ballistic (SSBM) and at times became a green rocket, kicking Mario his freeloading good for nothing brother to the curb.
On the streets, Mario got into creating a heap of dodgy little baby marios. With their small parts and easily breaking outer shell, donkey kong confiscated them for the good of the public. (Mario vs DK) Leaving Mario Dejected even further.
From there who knows what will happen.
...lol. Who knows, it could be true lol. Magic Mushrooms and Fire Flowers sound awefully suspiscious ^^
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Originally Posted by .hack
