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Thread: Gather around, bitches.

  1. #1
    Glenn the Great
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    Gather around, bitches.

    Glenn the Great Corps. will now be holding a contest in the interest of promoting community culture awareness and enrichment.

    What you are being asked to do is to make a script for a skit in the pilot episode of a new variety show about AGN.

    This show will be targeted for the 4:00 PM Weekday Afternoon time slot. We have chosen this time slot to attract a target audience which we believe will resonate with the mentality of most of the members here.

    It needs to be funny, or the little bastards will think it sucks.

    The community will elect a winning entry one week from now.

    The winner will receive a ZIP file full of 8000 high resolution anime girl images (total size of 1.92GB), or can alternatively opt to reach into the mystery grab bag and pull out a prize.

  2. #2
    Patra Beldaran's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    SCENE 1

    [Beldaran enters]

    Hot Woman#1: Oh my god, you're so fucking hot!

    Hot Woman#2: Let's take his pants off and look at his cock!

    Hot Woman#3: Yes, I agree! When I lookt at him, all I can think about is his sweaty man sausage!

    [Beldaran is wrestled to the ground by the trio of giggling porn stars]
    [Sounds of slurping and "oooh" and "ahhhh"]
    [A totally awesome metal band busts through the wall and starts playing a bad ass song]

    THE END

  3. #3
    Wizrobe
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    Problem: there aren't 3 of me and I don't fuck musicians

  4. #4
    Glenn the Great
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilith View Post
    Problem: there aren't 3 of me and I don't fuck musicians
    This is TV, girl. We'll use special effects to make it look like there are 3 of you. You don't really have to have sex with him, because as he goes down, the camera will pan over to the kick ass metal band while we hear the oohs and aahs.

  5. #5
    Patra Beldaran's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    Quote Originally Posted by Lilith View Post
    I don't fuck musicians
    I'm also an up and coming engineer. :)

  6. #6
    Keese Gunslinger's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    lol engineers don't get any tail

  7. #7
    Patra Beldaran's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    I know.

  8. #8
    Dark Lord of the Sith Darth Marsden's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    [Day. A crowd is gathered under a "Memorial Service" banner located in the middle of a street and listens to Father War Lord as he delivers a service. Darth Marsden, Glenn The Great, Beldaran and Lilith are there among the crowd, in their funeral best]

    Father War Lord: Friends, we gather in this place to mourn the victims of yesterday's tragedy: nine good people who were run over in the street by an elderly woman driver.
    Darth Marsden: God, this is boring.
    Glenn the Great: You insensitive asshole! Nine people died!
    Darth: Yeah, but 8 of them were Star Trek fans. Who cares about Star Trek fans? Star Trek sucks.
    Lilith: What, sucks like Episode I or Episode II?
    Darth: ...shut up.
    Father War Lord: It is sometimes hard, in times like these, to understand God's way. Why would he allow nine innocent people to be run down in the prime of their lives by a senior citizen who, perhaps, shouldn't be driving? It is then that we must understand, God's sense of humor is very different from our own. He does not laugh at the simple "man walks into a bar" joke. No, God needs complex irony and subtle farcical twists that seem macabre to you and me. All that we can hope for is that God got his good laugh and a tragedy such as this will never happen again.

    [Screeching tires are heard. Franpa runs into the crowd]

    Franpa: Elderly driver! ELDERLY DRIVER!

    [People panic and start running as an elderly driver runs his car into the middle of the street. He runs over several people and crashes into a light standard at the other end of the street]

    Elderly Driver: Did I just hit a pot hole?

    [CUT TO: Television News Report. A splash screen shows various correspondents and anchors, and a globe spins in front of the montage. Y'know, like in all self-important news reports]

    Anthony: Another series of deaths tonight by a senior citizen motorist. Barney Calhoon of New Mexico, Carl Johnson of San Andreas and Miles Prowler of Mobius were killed instantly when struck by a vehicle driven by Pete Malman, who was trying to find Country Kitchen Buffet. This latest tragedy comes only two days after the accident in Deer Creek, where three construction workers and a bulldozer [Shown] were run down by senior citizen Paul Thom [Shown, irate], who was trying to find Country Kitchen Buffet. Public outcry is forcing the DMV to consider suspending the licenses of all seniors over seventy, where Pineconn is live. Pineconn?

    [CUT TO: Pineconn, reporting from the DMV]

    Pineconn: Thanks Anthony. I'm standing outside of the Department of Motor Vehicles, where officials have just declared that Senior Citizens have until three p.m. to hand over their driver's licenses. The new law was passed just hours after what we in the business are calling 'The Day of Death', mostly because it sounds impressive. Back to you, Ant.
    Anthony: Thanks, Pineconn. And don't call me Ant, idiot.

    [DMV, inside. A poster on the wall says "Drive 65 MPH. Stay alive." {DSG}DarkRaven, ShadowTiger and Elise sit at a table taking the licenses seniors standing in line give them. ShadowTiger takes a license from an elderly man]
    ShadowTiger: Alrighty. [Cuts it in two and drops the halves into a box] There we go. Next? [A fat elderly lady approaches, then the elderly man with the walker]
    Elderly Lady: It ain't right what you're doin'! I never had an accident in my life! You shouldn't punish all of us!
    Elise: but this is the only way to be sure. Next please. [Cuts up another license] There we go.
    Elderly Man: But how am I supposed to get to the grocery store? Or the pharmacy to buy medicine?
    {DSG}DarkRaven: Well, maybe you should be in a nursing home. Hmmm?
    Elderly Man: Some of us would rather die!
    {DSG}DarkRaven: Well, we can certainly help you with that, too.
    Elderly Man: Bah! [Walks off]
    Elise: Next!

    ...I can go on if you want. There's plenty more South Park episodes to canabalise.
    AGN's resident Doctor Who, Star Wars and Torchwood fan

    Current life projects: Survive job, stay awake, write stuff, find new job. Not in that order.

    Hey, I do online reviews now! Check out my site to see the latest videos.


  9. #9
    chaos machine ZTC's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    At first, I though this was a thread complaining about a lack of GB =/ Maybe I'll pull something from my weird dreams and post something. (and) lol Darth

  10. #10
    クールな男
    MasterSwordUltima's Avatar
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    Re: Gather around, bitches.

    A black screen with "MASTERSWORDULTIMA IS GREAT" in white text for 30 minutes. Also, that annoying censor sound plays constantly.

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