[content] What You Thought You Knew About Mario (and why it is a lie)

[King Aquamentus]

WHAT YOU THOUGHT YOU KNEW ABOUT MARIO (AND WHY IT IS A LIE)

November 19, 2014 by King Aquamentus


Quick!! Tell me about Mario's origins! Everybody knows this story right?

Mario and Luigi are two plumbers from Brooklyn (who were also Italian immigrants) who one day ended up getting washed down a magic drain into the beautiful and fantastic Mushroom Kingdom. When they learned of the princess's plight, they fought their way through eight worlds to save her from Bowser, King of the Koopas. Duh!! It's been established in all of their animated series, the movie, the fans, the merchandise, and even by the country of Italy itself. I'm not even kidding on that: You'd think Mario would piss real Italians off just a little bit, but I've heard that they actually really love him a lot, and that many plumbers in the country actually *carry* some sort of Super Mario-related keepsake, like he's a small national hero.

...who was born in the Mushroom Kingdom.

What do you mean this is *still* the wrong house!?

So... the Mario brothers were born in the Mushroom Kingdom... *then* went to Italy... *then* to Brooklyn? uuuuuhhh... I think somewhere down the line we maybe got a little confused.

Officially, the story is that Mario and Luigi were not only born in the Mushroom Kingdom, but have known Peach, Wario, and even Donkey Kong since they were babies (the one from DKC who is the grown-up Donkey Kong Jr- ok my head hurts now) and have in fact lived in the Mushroom Kingdom all their lives.

Pictured above: Canon as you know it ceasing to exist

That actually kinda sucks in a way. I mean besides completely negating film, television, and even picture books, it takes away a very certain sense of a connection with these two human guys who ended up going down a rabbit hole somewhere beneath Water Street. I mean, wouldn't it be kinda cool if some maze of pipes and sewers ended up leading to another world? Like a portal hidden away? Well, there isn't in real life, and there isn't in fiction. Deal With It.

Oh, and of course this means the Mario Brothers aren't Italian. For some inexplicable reason, they certainly *act* and sound Italian, but at this point it isn't even clear if they are human, or even if Toad is, for that matter.

Even Mario looks surprised to discover this.

"Alright" you say. "They're cartoon characters, we'll leave it at that. They are plumbers from a fantasy world who act like Italians, and jump on turtles."

...yeah... they're not plumbers either.



Well, not anymore they aren't. They may have laid some lead in the past, but only about as much as they have raced go-karts, played golf/baseball/basketball/soccer, worked in construction, demolition, medicine, archaeology, repaired your Nintendo, refereed tennis and boxing events, loaded cement trucks, fought in vietnam, made toys, owned theme parks, piloted giant breakout paddles, cooked, or DJ'd (and I am dead serious when I tell you that I have not made any of these up. ANY.)

Officially, their occupation is as "adventurers" according to Nintendo, although after the Mario Segali connection, Miyamoto did consider him Italian for a bit. Now however, Mario and Luigi are nothing but cartoon characters from the Mushroom Kingdom who do... ...whatever.

Yeah, sorry to break everything you knew about Mario, there.

[CJC]

Huh... I figured the "Yoshi's Island" backstory was for a second generation of Mario Brothers, considering those babies seem to occupy the same temporal stamp as their adult counterparts. In that way, the highly stereotypical and Flanderization-victimized 'modern' Mario brothers are descendants of the original Italian American plumbers, just as DK Junior has overtaken the position of his cranky father (even to the point of kidnapping the same woman).


If you want to get really, REALLY weird, you could apply some Zelda Timeline mentality to the Mario series: You have the original plumbers from New York that wandered into the mushroom kingdom during Mario 1, and their descendants living there in each subsequent game.

Also confusing is the induction of the Yoshisaurus species into the bounds of the Mushroom Kingdom; Dino Land was a distinct continent and, as far as I recall, originally a different DIMENSION. There's definitely evidence that there's a great deal of missing time between each game, possibly enough for another generation or even dozens of generations to come and go.
...Though, if you knew that the Koopas always kidnap a Princess Peach, why would you name your daughter that?!


On another note, I'm convinced Peach and Bowser are married and this whole kidnapping thing is a game they play, with Mario and Luigi (and possibly the rest of the kingdom) as unwilling participants. Though Bowser gets the short-end in that; his wife plays the damsel until her 'plumber' rescues her, and he ends up in the lava with a bunch of castle repair bills.

[Brasel]

If Nintendo wants to call Mario and Luigi "adventurers", then why do they still put them in caps and overalls? I don't know any reasonable adventurer who would dress like that. Nintendo makes some excellent games, but it's pretty obvious that they don't think about connecting story lines from games together. They kind of do that Disney Mickey Mouse thing where they just place their characters in whatever situation they want to and go from there. It is strange that they just up and changed the background for their characters, though.

[King Aquamentus]

It's funny you mention the idea of generations, CJC. I've entertained the idea myself, but I've never heard it suggested in a serious light. You could actually have a good point.

I'd like to mention also: When Miyamoto considered them Italians, he also considered them plumbers. This was simply because Mario Bros. was set underground, and (it was decided) in New York. Presumably though, Mario Bros. is just ignored.

http://content.usatoday.com/communit...eru-miyamoto/1