Darth Marsden wrote:Anyway, I've heard back from that person I was waiting for, and they've asked me not to do what I had planned, which is perfectly understandable, given what it was.
You're a pretty considerate guy. I would have likely just gone and done whatever it was, and then dealt with the fallout as best I could.
Yeah, normally I would have, but when you consider that I was looking to find someone to replace Mr Slave in this particular episode, you can see why I thought it best to ask.
Oh, I thought you meant you wanted one more person to post after your last chapter, not receive feedback from one person in particular. Gotcha.
..And I see why. That episode looks terrible.
When this contest is done with, I'm going to make some of my own skits.
...last one. For now.
[The AGN cafe, night. War Lord is closing up and is cleaning up while humming to himself in a contented manner. He's placing chairs upside down on top of tables when he hears a knock at the door. He answers it to find a square headed man and woman]
War Lord: Look, we're closed. Come back in the morning.
Man: Uh, we're not here for food. Are you War Lord?
War Lord: ...yeah.
Man: My name is Harry Gints and this is my wife Elise. We're from Canada.
War Lord: [Looks at them] Yeah, I can tell.
Harry: My wife and I used to own this restaurant a few years back. I'd inherited it and, well, we weren't ready for the responsibility of owning a store, so we... we put it up for sale. We heard you were the one who...
Elise: Oh God, Harry! [She rushes in] Look what they've done with this place!
War Lord: Ok, just what the hell is going on?
[A few minutes later. The new couple are sitting at one of the tables. After a minute War Lord comes from the back carrying three cups of coffee. He puts them on the table and sits down. Harry takes a sip from his drink]
Harry: It was a tough time for us. It was a tough time for all of Canada. The whole country was devastated by the cola wars. It just seemed we couldn't take care of a store, let alone a restaurant.
Elise: So we put it up on the market. But as the years passed, I, I just felt an emptiness in my heart. God, it's so good to see this place again!
War Lord: Well I wish you all the best, Mr. and Mrs. Gints, but to be honest, I think it would be best for everyone if you didn't come around again.
Elise: I don't think you understand. We didn't come to visit this place, we came to take it back.
War Lord: Wait... what?
Harry: We want to take back ownership off this place.
War Lord: WHAT? You gave this place up. You can't just change your mind!
Harry: Changing your mind is a Canadian custom that we hold quite dear. And besides, the new Canadian Prime Minister has issued a decree that all former Canadian property must be returned to it's original Canadian owners.
War Lord: The new Canadian Prime Minister? What are you, insane? This place belongs to me now!
Harry: It doesn't belong to you! It belongs to it's original owners... it's Canadian owners.
War Lord: Ok, that's it. I think you'd better leave. Now.
Elise: Please, don't make things difficult for yourself.
War Lord: Difficult for ME? You just waltz in here and tell me you're talking back MY hard earned property? Who the hell do you think you are?
Harry: We're prepared to go to court over this. We had hoped it wouldn't come to that, but if you're going to be this way...
War Lord: You're damned right I'm gonna be this way! I'll see you in court!
[CUT TO courtroom, a few days later. The Canadian couple are there, along with War Lord and most of the AGN regulars. War Lord stands before the judge.]
Judge: I'm sorry to say that my hands are tied. The new Prime Minister of Canada has authority this court cannot override. By Canadian law I must award ownership of the property to its original Canadian owners.
The Gintses: Yes!
War Lord: No!
MasterSwordUltima: Wait... where the hell are we gonna hang out now?
Warlock: [Turning to Darth, who's sitting next to him, his right hand in his pocket] Can't you do anything?
Darth: Not in a court of law. My parole officer made that quite clear.
[Outside the AGN cafe, which now has 'Sorry, we're closed' and 'Under new ownership' signs displayed. War Lord locks the door and hands the keys over to Harry Gint, overwatched by Warlock]
War Lord: Just... take care of it. Promise... promise me that.
Harry: Don't worry. We will.
Warlock: [Gives the Gints a look of disgust] You'd BETTER.
[The Gints recoil a little, then get into their car and drive away. Daarkseid looks on and watches them speed off before walking over to War Lord.]
Warlock: Can't we, I dunno, appeal or something? Maybe talk to this new Prime Minister of Canada?
War Lord: [Holding back tears] Appealing to the Prime Minister of Canada would take... time and money I just don't have.
[CUT TO another street. Daarkseid, Darth and Moocow are sitting on a bench running through a catalog which Darth has in his lap and is flicking through with his left hand. His right hand doesn't move from his pocket. He stops on the Doctor Who page and points to a Cyberman doll.]
Darth: That right there. The 12 inch tall fully flexible Cyberman action figure. THAT'S what I've ordered. I mean, everything else from this page is pretty good, but that thing in particular, y'know?
Moocow: Yeah, that would be pretty cool if you're into the show.
Darth: ...are you saying you're not?
Moocow: ...I just never really got into it.
Darth: I don't know you. You are a stranger to me.
Warlock: [Walks into shot] Hey guys. Can I talk to you?
Daarkseid: Sure. What's up?
Warlock: ...it's the cafe. I mean, it's been a week now and I just... I don't know what to do. I HAVE to try to go to Canada and speak with the new Canadian Prime Minister, but I can't do it alone.
Daarkseid: Look, we're all pretty down about it, but we'll find somewhere else.
Warlock: Please you guys, you don't understand. War Lord is devastated. Drunken Tiger just walks around the place like a zombie, and Beldaran can't stop crying.
Darth: Seriously? Beldaran's crying? Wuss.
Warlock: I've found the number for a really cheap airline to Canada. If we go as soon as possible, then-
Darth: Look man, we can't just up and go to Canada. The new series of Doctor Who starts at the weekend... it's like the social event of the century! [Moocow looks at him] Ok, year. Look, maybe we'll find some other way of getting the store back. Y'know, when the series has finished.
[The group start walking off. After walking a short distance, they find that most of the other AGN regulars have gathered around, holding some sort of meeting, which VEL is heading. They walk up and listen in.]
VEL: Ok, quiet guys. Let me speak. Now we know that War Lord has lost ownership of AGN cafe. So what are we gonna do about it?
gdorf: How about we get rid of all the Mexicans?
VEL: Gdorf, every time we hold a meeting you suggest we get rid of all the Mexicans, and every time we tell you 'NO!'
gdorf: ...rats.
VEL: Any other SENSIBLE suggestions?
Starkist: War Lord needs money to appeal that case to the new Canadian Prime Minister. How about instead of sitting around watching TV, we all take up a collection and try to raise money for him?
VEL: Yeah, that sounds good. Are we in?
Crowd: YEAH!
Saffith: How about we go one step further and cancel our TV licenses! Then we add the money we save from that to the collection!
Darth: [Slightly worried] Oh come on, that's just ridiculous... canceling your TV licenses... you wouldn't last a week!
Crowd: YEAH!
Darth: [Panicking] What? No!
Koopa: Yeah, I hardly watch the thing these days anyway!
Darth: [Losing it] You... you can't! Not this weekend! NO!
VEL: Ok, it's decided! We'll all cancel out TV licenses and give the money we save to War Lord!
Crowd: YEAH!
VEL: Let's get to it!
[The crowd quickly disperses as Darth falls to his knees]
Darth: KHAAAAAAAAAAAN!!!!!!
Warlock: Look man, I'm sorry. But there is something we can do. We can go to Canada and see the Prime Minister like I said. If we can change his mind before Saturday, then these guys can get their licenses back in time for you to see your new episode.
Darth: [Getting up] You really think if we go to Canada I can still catch Doctor Who?
Warlock: It's worth a shot. Come on, you guys, we can do this.
Moocow: I'm up for it. I keep wanting to go on one of these adventures that have started have started happening lately.
Darth: Alright, fine, we'll go to bloody Canada. But so help you God Warlock, if this doesn't work and I miss the first episode of a show I've been waiting 9 months for, I am going to kick your freakin' ass.
...more soon...
That's the old Darth! Great stuff! I was afraid we weren't going to get a new chapter today. :cry:
...for the record, I did catch the new Doctor Who, but for some reason our Sky+ box decided to make BBC1 jump about, which was irritating...
[City Wok, night. A sign reading "Chinese Food For Teh Win" is displayed in the store, while the owner, Mr. Kim, sits at one of his tables with nothing to do]
Mr Kim: No business... Nobody wanna eat-a Chinese food. Looks like I might as well close. [A phone rings. He perks up and runs to get it] Oh boy! Some business! [He puts on his chef hat and grabs a notepad] Finally! [He grabs the phone and waits for the order] Herro? Chitty Wok, take ur orda prease! [CUT TO Warlock on the other end of the phone, with Daarkseid, Darth and Moocow in the background. Through the next sequence, it cuts between Mr Kim and Warlock]
Warlock: Uh, I must have the wrong number. We were trying to reach City Airlines.
Mr Kim: Oh, oh yes, just a moment prease. [He flips a sign over so it now reads "City Airlines" and switches to a captain's hat] Herro, Chitty Airrines. Can I help you take ur orda prease?
Warlock: Uh, we need to go to Canada. As soon as possible.
Mr Kim: Oooh, Canada. Ok, that's uh pretty far. Gonna cost ya a rot of money... hm... let's she. How many people?
Warlock: Four.
Mr Kim: Ok. Four people, Canada, cost a rot of money, that uh gonna be about ah six thousand five hundred daura.
Warlock: [He takes out his wallet and checks it] ...how about fifty daura?
Mr Kim: Fifty daura?! You flighn to Canada cost at reast three thousand daura!
Warlock: Fifty-five daura.
Mr Kim: Hey! Stop wasting my time wa fifty-five daura! No way I take my plane to Canada for less than a thousand daura!
Warlock: Ok. Sixty daura.
Mr Kim: Sixty-two daura.
Warlock: Done.
Mr Kim: Ok, meet me AGN Airfield, yellow Cessna, tail number 432G.
Warlock: Got it. [He hangs up]
Mr Kim: [Hangs up, then giggles] Hehehehe, never try to barter with a Chinese man.
[CUT TO AGN Airfield, night. A plane comes in for a landing in the background as the group approach the yellow Cessna. Darth is anxiously looking at his watch]
Darth: We have exactly fifty-two hours before the new series of Who starts. That means we have to be back in twenty-eight hours to still give ourselves enough time to renew our TV licenses so we can watch it and not get busted by those bloody cops who always seem to know about these things. Everyone synchronize watches on my mark. Mark. [They all sychronise their watches. Darth does this with some difficulty - his watch hand is still in his pocket]
Mr Kim: Herro, welcome Chitty Airrine. [Warlock and Darth move towards the plane. Daarkseid stops in his tracks, as does Moocow]
Moocow: Oh no, no no nono, I am NOT flying in that thing!
Daarkseid: Me neither!
Warlock: What? Why not?
Daarkseid: Look at that thing!
Warlock: What... it's fine. Come on!
Moocow: I am not going to die in a confined space with four people I barely even know!
Darth: Dammit, get in the plane before I throw you in there!
[CUT TO inside the Cessna. It's pretty cramped.]
Daarksied: Ah man, it smells like Kung Pao chicken in here!
Mr Kim: Okay, welcome aboard Chitty Airrines. This is your captain speaking. Rooking about a two hour fright. I'll be turning on the seatbelt sign now. If your seats have seatbelts, this is the time you will fasten them. Please sit back, relax, and enjoy your Chitty fright. [He turns off the intercom and takes flight after a small bump.]
Warlock: All right! We're going to Canada!
[Cessna 432G, day. The flight has clearly taken longer than two hours. The guys are sleeping in their seats - and so is Mr Kim. The plane begins to hit turbulence and lose power]
Mr Kim: Hey, turn off the right. ...Wha- oh! [A sudden noisy dip awakens the others]
Moocow: Wha... what's going on??
Mr Kim: Herro from the cockpit, this is your captain speaking. As you can see, it appears that we are goin' down. Now would be a good time to refrect on your rife, and pray to whatever deity you bereive in. Thank you for flying Chitty Airlines. We know you have a choice in airlines, and it looks like you made the wrong one. [He quickly puts on a parachute and opens his door to drop away]
Daarkseid: Hey, where the hell are you going?! [Mr. Kim jumps out and away. A few seconds later he pulls the rip cord and the parachute comes out]
Moocow: Quick, wake Darth!
Warlock: [First prods Darth, then hits him, then in frustration slams his head into the back of the seat] Dammit, he's out for the summer! Someone grab the controls!
[Daarkseid jumps into the front seat, grabs the controls and tries to steer the plane, with limited success. The plane makes a steep descent and crashes onto the ground. It flips over and crumples up, resting near a town. A lone 'Ow' is heard from Darth as the group scrambles out of the rubble and walks into the town. A pair of legs is seen at a nearby bench, but no head is shown. The guys are aware of being watched.]
Warlock: Guys... I don't think we're in AGN anymore... [As they look in one direction, four Canadians pop up from some bushes and look at them. They drop back into the bushes before the group turn back around]
Canadian Man: Eh-xcuse me? [A head pops up over the legs at the bench] Uh, is this an invasion?
Moocow: ...no.
Canadian Man: Oh thank heavens! It's okay. Everyone, it's not an invasion! [People come out of their hiding places. A man pops up out of a manhole mumbling something as the others mill around]
Warlock: Hey! We're in Canada!
Canadian Man: Well of course you are! And Canada Friends welcomes you!
Canadians: [The people start singing] Welcome, friends, to Canada! Canada Friends loves you!
We're just like any other country without the big tattoo!
Sailor: [Walks up, sings his line] We greet thee with pleasure, but one question, if we may?
Businessman: [Walks up and joins him in singing] What brings you folks to Canada? Why are you here today?
Warlock: Uh...
Daarkseid: A Canadian couple came over and took over our cafe, and we wanna talk to the new Canadian prime Minister about getting it back.
Canadians: [Still singing] Their cafe is their quest. The question is, is what? You must talk to the new Prime Minister if you think hangout is back there.
Darth: Oh, Jesus Christ.
Scott: [Walks into shot] Hey! What the hell is going on?!
Canadians: It's Scott! AAAAHHHH! [They all take off in different directions]
Moocow: What's the big deal? We've got a Sith Lord.
Darth: ...a Sith Lord with a freakin' headache, mind.
Scott: [Fixes his gaze on the group and approaches] A-ha! Americans! I should've known! You think you're the police of the world! You think you own Canada! Well, you aren't welcome here! Get out now!
Darth: I've had enough of this. [Ignites his saber and holds it threateningly] I'm a bloody Brit, and I'm armed, so piss off, you sodding little twat!
Scott: [Backs away] This isn't over, you American scum! I swear to God: you'll rue this day!! [Runs off]
Man in Barrel: [Emerges from hiding along with everyone else] God, what a dick!
Darth: [Turns saber off] Look, we don't have a lot of time here, Ok? Can you just tell us where the new Prime Minister is?
Doctor: The new Prime Minister doesn't live in this part of Canada. He's in Ottawa. [The other Canadians concur]
Warlock: So how do we get to Ottawa?
Wrestler: Oh that's easy. You just have to follow the road.
Daarkseid: Which road?
Firefighter: This is Canada. We only have one road. [He moves to one side and the crowd splits in two to allow the group through]
Priest: [Starts singing] Follow the only road
Man: [Also singing] Follow the only road
Canadians: [All singing] To go anywhere in Canada, you just follow the only road.
There's only one road in Canada. We call it the Road, the only road.
Hip-hip, hooray, let's hear it for our Road.
Road Workers: It's paved and wide and up to code.
Darth: [Holding his head in his left hand - his right is still in his pocket] Let's get the hell out of here.
Moocow: Word.
Canadians: [Still singing] You're off to see the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister of Canada!
Doctor: Good-bye, friends! Good luck with the new Prime Minister! And remember to watch out for Scott! He's a dick!
Canadians: Good-bye, good-bye, see ya, good luck, etc.
[The group walks down the only road, unaware that Scott, the dick, is watching them from behind a tree. He smiles evilly and starts jabbering away into a walkie-talkie.]
...more later...
That chapter was gold
Ew, what am I sitting on?
I think it is mold.
...Hey, I never said that my haikus would be any good. But I don't think you'll be able to catch Doctor in the story anymore.
Okay, the contest is over. Figure out who won, and let me know. Then we'll figure out how I'm going to get the prize to the winner.
I think we know who the winner is :P
Yeah there is no question who the winner is and I also want to read more of it 😊
Okay, it's done it again. I'm in the middle of typing up the next bit of this thrilling epic, and suddenly Firefox leaps back a page, making me lose all my work. You know what? I don't want to do this anymore. Firefox hates me. It keeps having all these freaking pop-ups that I just can't stop no matter how many plug-ins and extensions I use and it's swallowed my work twice now and... Sniff IT'S JUST NOT FAIR!!! All-out cries
I'll try again tomorrow, when I can summon up the energy to do so. Sorry to make you wait so long. Blame Firefox. I do. Grr.
KICK IT!!
It may not make it work but you'll feel better.
You know, there is a secret to making these posts. Always write your posts in notepad, then copy them over to the forums when you are ready to post. You will never be sorry that way. It's what I do. By the way, Marsden, you've won. Why don't you send me a PM, and we can discuss the delivery of your prize.
Really? Beldaran's was pretty good... 😛
Yeah, this was no contest to begin with. Darth just has a pure talent... of copying other TV shows.
Glenn the Great wrote:You know, there is a secret to making these posts. Always write your posts in notepad, then copy them over to the forums when you are ready to post. You will never be sorry that way. It's what I do.
Yeah, but that's the EASY way. 😃 ...wait, I won? I won! I never win anything! Yay me! What do I win? A bunch of anime pictures? Oh...
[The road, sometime later. The group are walking onwards while Darth is checking his watch. He's taken it off his permanently-pocketed right hand and is holding it in his left]
Darth: Twenty hours until Who starts. We'll still have time to renew our licenses IF we hurry. [A mountie appears before them]
Mountie: Ahoy there, travelers.
Daarkseid: Who are you?
Mountie: I am Rick, the proud Canadian Mountie. [The camera zooms out to reveal that he's riding a sheep]
Sheep: Baaaah.
Moocow: I thought mounties were supposed to ride horses.
Mountie: [He hangs his head in shame] Yes. Yes, we are. But our funding has been cut and now we're forced to ride...
Sheep: Baaaah.
Darth: ...yeah. Look, if you don't mind, we're in a rush to see the new Prime Minister.
Mountie: [Perking up] You're going to see the new Prime Minister. Oh, I would so like to meet him myself. It's his strange new laws that took our horses away. Perhaps I will go with you.
Warlock: That's okay, we'd rather just go by ourselves.
Mountie: Follow me this way! [Starts singing as Darth puts his head in his hand] We're going to see the Prime Minister, the Prime Minister of Canada!
[The group, along with new recruit, continue down the road. The gang soon overtake the mountie, who encourages the sheep to speed up. When it doesn't, he sighs, gets off the sheep, picks it up and runs after the others. Zoom out to reveal that Scott is monitoring their progress over remote cameras]
Scott: Power-hungry Americans! I'll fix you! [Suddenly his walkie talkie comes to life. He picks it up]
Darth: I'M BRITISH, YOU SON OF A BITCH! [The walkie talkie goes dead]
Scott: ...how the hell did he do that?
[CUT TO further down the Road. Rick and the gang are passing through another town as Darth gets out his watch and checks it again]
Darth: Oh Jesus, eighteen hours. We're running out of time!
Mountie: All right boys, prepare yourselves. We're about to enter... French Canada.
Moocow: French Canada?
[Before them, lots of French Canadians cavort like it's Disneyland, with circus performers of all stripes doing what they do best. They start singing as Darth puts his hand over his ear. Realising this doesn't work, he presses his free ear in to his shoulder and winces a little]
French Canadians: There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in ze land.
Ze ozer Canada is hardly Canada. If you lived here for a day, you'd understand.
Mime: Honh honh honnnh! Welcome to French Canada.
Hockey Player: We have everyzing your heart could desire. Trapezes. Trampolines. And lots and lots of cheese.
Artist: [He takes off his mustache and offers it to the group] Would you like a moustache?
Mountie: Just stay calm, boys. French Canadians are a little... odd. [Behind them, two of them walk by. One is dressed in blue and looks a bit like an alien. The other is dressed something like He-Man, with long flowing locks]
Warlord: Yeah... uh, don't mind us... we're just passing through to see the new Prime Minister.
Mime: Well first you must answer that phone. [He makes his left hand into a phone receiver with his little finger and thumb] Ring-ring. Ring-ring.
Darth: We don't have time for this!
Mime: You cannot pass through French Canada unless you take zat phone call! He holds out his 'phone'] Ring-ring. Ring-ring. [Daarkseid responds by making his right hand into a similar phone and answering]
Daarkseid: ...yes?
Mime: Allo! If you are going to see za new Prime Minister, then I want to go with you. He has passed a new law forbidding us French Canadians to drink wine.
Artist: How can ze French not drink wine?? Travestie!
Daarkseid: Ok, fine, you can come with us.
Mime: Honh honnnh! Very good! Let us make haste!
[The French Canadians escort the boys out and on their way with the Mime and the Mountie before bursting into song again. Darth repeats the process of covering his ears]
French Canadians: There'z no Canada like French Canada, it'z za bezt Canada in ze land.
And ze ozer Canada.
Mime: Is a bullzhit Canada
French Canadians: If you lived here for a day, you'd understand. [The group leaves the town behind]
Mime: I think you'd understand. ...You understand.
[SOmetime later. The group have arrived at Newfoundland. It's a dark forest, somewhat reminiscent of my back garden.]
Mountie: Oh my! This certainly is a desolate place!
Mime: It reminds me of death and fear. [Darth smiles at this in a 'I'm home' sort of way]
Warlock: Look, how much further to Ottowa?
Mountie: We must be very close now.
Scott: [Jumping out in front of them] Ey! What are you doing?!
Mountie: Ack! It's Scott!
Scott: What are you two doing helping these Americans?! Don't you know America thinks it owns Canada along with the rest of the world?!
Darth: For the last freakin' time, I'M BRITISH!
Scott: No, you're a dick! And by helping these guys, you two are just as smelly as they are! Now I'm going to get you!
Fisherman: [Exiting a nearby house with a fish in his left hand and a pole in his right] Not a-hire, Scott!
Scott: Who the hell are you?!
Fisherman: I'm Steve the Newfoudlander. And you'er on Newfoundland property now! Get off before I have you arrested!
Scott: Never! [Darth ignites his saber again] Ugh! This isn't over! Not by a long shot! I'll fix you. I'll fix all of you!! [He leaves in a huff. Steve draws closer to the group as Darth puts his saber away]
Mountie: Woo, that was a close call. Thank you, kind Newfie!
Warlock: God-damnit, I've had about enough of this. We need to get to the new Prime Minister... NOW!
Steve: Oh yeah, the Prime Minister, eh? He sure has screwed up things for Newfoundland. Life just hasn't been the same since he made sodomy illegal.
Mime: Well, come with us! Maybe you can ask him to take his sodomy ban away.
Darth: Whatever, can we just get going?
Steve: Yeah, sure, except there's just one problem.
Daarkseid: What?
Steve: You folks are goin' the wrong way.
Daarkseid: What?? But I thought there was one road in Canada.
Steve: Yeah. And you all went the wrong direction on it.
Mountie: Ohh, that's right. Ottawa is that way. [He points behind the group]
Mime: Of course. Ottawa left, Newfoundland right!
Moocow: [Grimacing] Oh no!
Darth: [Glaring at the mountie] How could you be so stupid!
Warlock: There's no way we can go all the way back. We'll never make it now!
Mountie: It's Ok, guys. The power is inside us to get to Ottawa! We can wish ourselves there!
Mime: Ah yes, let's wish ourselves there. [The three Canadians close their eyes and wish real hard]
Mountie: [Peeking with his left eye] Is it working?
Darth: Oh, God-dammit! Well I warned you Warlock! I told you if I missed the start of my show we were gonna throw down! [He puts up his fist] Well it's on! We're gonna have it our RIGHT NOW! [He grabs Warlock by the collar]
Steve: [Now in his boat at the end of a dock] Of course, we could always take my boat, eh?
Mountie: Oh yes! On the river we could travel to Ottawa in no time!
Warlock: Well come on! [Everyone hops into the boat]
Steve: Ok, next stop, the new Prime Minister. [The boat leaves the dock and goes on its way]
Warlock: Do you think we can still make it in time?
Darth: We'd better, man. Or you're dead.
Yes! Even the British make fun of the French! 😃
Uh... let's see...
This part was better;
It is so Wizard of Oz;
Will Scott get wetter?
(Meaning Scott is like the witch, who died when she got wet, so I assume that Scott will die somehow. Y'know, I had to rhyme "better" with something.)
More more!
Yes yes!
In other news, why the heck do I have that URL in my sig? After clicking on it, it takes me to a website where I can download the source code for Zelda Classic. I don't know if I should download it or get rid of the link completely. I swear I didn't put it there.
Wait, ZC is open source? time to get hacking.
...last bit.
[The Parliament building, dawn. The whole party pull up to the small dock at one end of the grounds. They all climb out, Darth leading the pack]
Steve: Here we are at the Parliament buildin'.
Mime: Ze Prime Minister is inside.
Darth: [Rushing towards the building] Well come on, let's hurry! It's almost time!
[The rest of the group follow him up to the Parliament building entrance. Warlock knocks on the heavy wooden doors. A wooden panel opens up to reveal a window. A doorman looks out through it]
Doorman: Yeeeeeeeees?
Warlock: We need to see the new Prime Minister.
Doorman: Ha! Impossible! The new Prime Minister isn't seeing anybody! [He slams the window shut]
Mime: Oh well, zo much for zat. [He turns around and slowly walks away]
Steve: Yeah, we gave it our best, but our best wasn't good enough, eh? [He joins the Mime]
Warlock: No no no, I'm not having that. He's gonna see us, one way or another. [He knocks on the door again. Steve and the Mime turn around]
Doorman: [Opens his window again] Yeeeeeeeees?
Warlock: Look, we've come from way, way out and we are ging to see the Prime Minister one way or another. So let us in already!
Doorman: [With a big smug grin on his face] The Prime Minister isn't here. He's in China on official business. So you might as well go home. Bu-bye!
Warlock: [Defeated] Then that's it. We... We're never going to get the cafe back... [He walks away and sits on the stairs leading up to the building]
Darth: What? Oh no, you're not getting off that easy. Let us in before I rip you open and rearrange your organs in alphabetical order.
Doorman: Of course not, you English pig!
Darth: THANK YOU. Wait... I'm not a pig, you Canadian piece of crap!
Doorman: You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Sith-Lord, you and your silly English K...kaniggets. [He puts his hands to his ears and blows a raspberry]
Daarkseid: ...what a strange person.
Darth: Dammit, you miserable excuse for a human being, let us in already!
Doorman: I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries.
Moocow: ...is there someone else there we can talk to?
Doorman: No. Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time.
Darth: [Suddenly twigs] Jesus, have you only just seen that film or something?
Doorman: Smelly English K...niggets ... and Monsieur Sith Lord, who has the brain of a duck, you know. We outwit you again, perfidious English mousedropping hoarders ... how you say: "Begorrah!"
Darth: Oh Jesus Christ...
Doorman: How you English say: I one more time, mac, I unclog my nose towards you, sons of a window-dresser! You think you could out-clever us Canadian fellows with your silly knees-bent creeping about advancing behavior. [Blows a raspberry] I wave my private parts at your aunties, you brightly-colored, mealy-templed, cranberry-smelling, electric donkey-bottom biters.
Daarkseid: What the hell is he babbling about?
Darth: It's a British thing, you Yanks wouldn't get it. [To the doorman] Last bloody chance. Let us in or I really let loose.
Doorman: No chance, English bed-wetting types. We burst our pimples at you, and call your door-opening request a silly thing. You tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!
Darth: That's it. I'm gonna kill them all. [He raises his left hand and the Doorman starts to chock. Darth closes the hand into a fist and a loud, audible snap is heard. The Doorman hangs from the window, dead]
Moocow: Oh my God, you killed a Canadian!
Daarkseid: You bastard!
[CUT TO inside the Parliament building, facing the outer door. We see the Doorman slump onto the floor and then Darth's lightsaber piercing through the door, cutting a large hole in it. Once it's gone round in a complete circle, it flies across the room into a large group of soldiers. Darth and Co. TM move into the building. The remaining guards start towards them, but stop when Darth turns towards them, his eyes burning red. The group walks down a long hallway and approach a large sanctum with three fire pits. Two small ones burn before and on each side of the huge one, which sits at the center and has a hologram of the Prime Minister hovering over it]
Prime Minister: I am the Prime Minister of Canada, and all that. Now whaddya want?
Warlock: [Steps forward] Sir, you recently passed a new law allowing Canadian land owners who have given up their old properites for whatever reason to change their minds and take it back. Our whole comunity was-
Scott: [He suddenly appears with the Gintses, holding the keys to the Cafe] Not so fast, you American scum!
Darth: Right, that's it. [He throws his saber at Scott and nicely slices him through the middle. He falls apart as Darth's saber returns to him. The others look at him] What? He knew I was British, I told him twice. Don't look at me like that.
Warlock: [Turning back to the Prime Minister] Please, sir. I came because I don't think we should have our cafe taken away from us like this. Owning a property isn't about who legally owns the building, it's about the people who run it, who visit it, who help maintain it. Sure, maybe it wasn't built by us in the first place, but we've taken what we aquired and made it so much more. A community center, a focus point for us all to relax and enjoy each others company. So many friendships have been founded there, it almost seems like a family's front room. Please... don't take that away from us. [The Gintses have tears in their eyes]
Prime Minister: That is a great speech, guy. But the answer is no! All of my new laws will stay in effect forever!
Mountie: Then, I suppose us mounties will never get our horses.
Mime: And we won't get our wine.
Steve: And we can't perform sodomy, eh?
Moocow: ...why are you making such strange laws? I mean, no wine? No horses?
Darth: Yeah, what's up with that?
Prime Minister: I SAID GO!
Darth: Actually, you never did say that.
Prime Minister: ...whatever. Just get out. Now!
Warlock: [Noticing a purple curtain nearby] ...I hope to God that's not what I think it is.
Prime Minister: What? No, leave that alone.
Warlock: [Clearly he doesn't. Pulling it back, he reveals LightningZ behnd it, cramped behind a console] What the hell?
LightningZ: Uh oh. Uh, don't mind that guy hiding in the spider hole, he's just my friend.
Daarksied: What the hell's HE doing here?
Moocow: He must have thought this was hell. Darth did kill him and all.
Mime: But zis explains everything! Za new Prime Minister was a zcript kiddie, trying to take over our beloved Canada like Saddam Hussein before him.
LightningZ: No! I was just... I... Oh, 5hit.
[The remaining guards all pounce on him. His screams are utterly pathetic, sounding more like a cross between a pregnant woman and a drowning cat. The group turn away]
Mountie: Wait a minute. This means all the Prime Minister's new laws are null and void. We can have our horses back!
Mime: And we can drink our wine.
Steve: And I can sodomize me boys again.
Harry Gint: [Picking up the keys from Scott's body and walking over to Warlock] You... must really care about that cafe to have come all this way.
Elise Gint: Perhaps we were wrong to try and take it back. It doesn't belong with us here. It belongs with it's family.
[Harry hands over the keys to Warlock, who smiles gratefully. Suddenly an alarm goes off. Darth pulls out his watch and looks at it]
Daarkseid: What is it?
Darth: It's started. We officially missed it. Doctor Who's starting right now and... I'm in Canada.
Warlock: Well yeah, but ah-we got the cafe back.
Darth: Yeah! We got our cafe back, but I missed Doctor Who! And what did I tell you, man?! told you that if we didn't make it back in time for the new series I was gonna whup your ass, didn't I?!
Warlock: Come on, man. There'll be repeats!
Darth: Well now you're gonna get it! That's right! You and me! Right now! We're havin' it out! Let's go! Come on! Come on!!
[Darth puts up his left fist, his right hand still in his pocket. Warlock reluctantly meets Darth's challenge and after dodging his swing, whacks him on the right arm. Darth suddenly freezes and clutches the arm in agony, falling to his knees as he does so]
Moocow: Oh, now why did you do that?
Warlock: What?
Moocow: You knew that was his bad shoulder!
Daarkseid: Yeah, he's done nothing but complain about it for the past month!
Warlock: ...oh yeah.
Moocow: 'Oh yeah'? That's all you've got to say?
Warlock: Well look, why did he take the sling off?
Daarkseid: It kept getting caught in doors!
Warlock: ...right, yeah, it did. Well look, I thought it had healed!
Moocow: There was a reason he kept it in his pocket! [Looks at the camera] Did you at home figure it out?
Mountie: [Wandering over] Is he all right?
Warlock: Yeah, he's just upset 'cause he missing the new Doctor Who.
Mountie: Oh, but he can watch it here! We pay for a third of that show, you know. Come on, we'll watch it on the big screen!
[They fiddle with the wires behind the giant floating head and the picture changes to show that Doctor Who is just starting. Warlock helps Darth up and together they sit down and watch it. A caption reads '45 minutes later' as the show finishes]
Daarkseid: Well, that was crap.
Warlock: Yeah, absolute rubbish.
Darth: [After a slight pause] ...dammit!
THE END
That's it, done. Glad you all enjoyed them, since aside from Firefox screwing around, it was actually pretty fun to do. And I have honestly never gotten so much green rep over a single thread before, The Ultimate Joke Thread included.
So yeah, I'm done with these. No more South Park rip-offs. BUT if you're very, VERY good, I may let you see the first chapter of a novel I've been writing. But you'll have to be on your best behavior!
Darth Marsden wrote: Let us in before I rip you open and rearrange your organs in alphabetical order.
LOL! I remember [that] now! 😃 (You asked what games were bad, then you said if anyone said ET that you would rearrange our organs in alphabetical order, so I said it for fun. Then that was your response. XD)
Ahh, that was a great read. Once I can give you more rep, I think I will. Well, one last one:
O ye gods, ye gods,
Why must it end? Well, this sucks.
Time to go chop logs.
That was my best haiku ever! Okay, not. Whatever. That really was a great story/TV show/parody/play/skit/fic. But one problem - it needs a title.
Titles, you say?
- Not Dead Yet
- Customer Satisfaction
- Episode 1
And don't worry about more green rep, I've got plenty as it is.
Darth Marsden wrote:BUT if you're very, VERY good, I may let you see the first chapter of a novel I've been writing. But you'll have to be on your best behavior!
I swear that wasn't there before.
I've been real good the past few days, ma. 😊
Note: The image for this thread is currently down, and will be restored later.
Now that the contest is over, I can participate!
Announcer: Now, the show you've all been waiting for.....
"AGNerds"!!!!!!
-The opening starts to play, with some cheesy radical surfer style music, lots of crazy camera action, featuring various AGNerd antics. This goes on for a little while, until you hear a record rapping noise as the music cuts.
-War Lord steps onto the scene in full wigger garb, backwards hat, and microphone. The camera zooms out a bit to accomodate him.
-Gangsta rap music starts playing as he starts to rap about caps and cops as Moocow dances, and Goat is in the background squatting and crossing his arms, over and over again.
-Someone in the audience starts to boo.
-The music cuts, and the camera changes to the back of the audience, where we see Lightningz standing up in his seat saying....
Lightningz: u suk, worlord! be quite
-We see Breaker, dressed in a red Power Ranger outfit, walk up, grab Lightningz, and then drag him off the set.
*****Camera goes back to War Lord.*******
War Lord: Alright homies, it's time to do this.
-Goat nods.
War Lord: We're about to have 2007's AGN Convention! We've finally sold enough Premium Memberships to rent out the Ohio State Fairgrounds for a whole day!
War Lord: What do you niggers think?
-The audience cheers and hollars.
War Lord: Everything is going to be there. Can you say Poker? Can you say Beer? Can you say Wii?
-Audience cheers.
War Lord: Well, to be specific, we really only raised enough to pay my way. Unfortunately, you all will have to pay your own way in. But we'll have a lot of fun! Come on!
-War Lord waves his arm in a "come here" motion.
******* Transition to Ohio State Fair ***********
-It's a bright, sunny day outdoors at the Ohio State Fairgrounds. We see a line of AGNerds at the toll booth, handing over large wads of cash, getting their hands stamped, and walking into the park, where they all start to congregate on the grass in a nearby open area.
-In this scene, we can see War Lord, Goat, Glitch, Biggiy, Moocow, Goki, Ganonator, Archibaldo, Master Ghaleon, Cyberkitten, Dechipher, MrCow, AMaster, and Daarkseid. Some of them are playing together on their Nintendo DSs.
War Lord: Good to see most of my bitches are here! We just need 3 more people, and we'll have enough people to attempt to set a new record for piling people into my ride!
Biggiy: Who are we missing?
Glitch: Starkist is still supposed to get here.
War Lord: Damn, we're still going to need two more....
-Starkist is seen walking onto the scene, holding hands with two unknown males who appear to be in their late teens.
Goki: G'day mate! Who's with ya?
Starkist: Hope you don't mind me bringing along my two new boyfriends. Meet Harvey..... and Talyn.
AMaster: They're gay! Ewwwwwww!
-Ganonator walks over to AMaster, kicks him, grabs his nipple, and twists. AMaster cries out in pain.
********** Transition to a rickety fench in an overgrown area on the outskirts of the fairgrounds **********
-Here we see Lightningz and ZeldaFan500 creeping up to the fence. They are both holding PDAs.
Lightningz: k, were here
ZeldaFan: What r we doing again?
Lightningz: get reveng on AGN for baning us
ZeldaFan: What r we going to do?
Lightningz: sneek in convenshun. they got zc source on disk in clubhose. u spy on worlord. and frends. pda has internet. send pm on agn forms when coast cleer. i chek, go in cubhouse, taik source
ZeldaFan: i sure hope u know what ur doing......
********* Transition to War Lord's car **********
-War Lord's lowrider is packed with people. Everyone but Dechipher is packed in the car.
War Lord: Almost there! One more for a new record! We can do it, bitches. Squeeze in Dech!
-Dechipher examines a few doors, trying to find a place to squeeze in. He places a foot inbetween Ganonator and AMaster, and tries to force his way in.
-Hacking and coughing is heard from somewhere inside the car.
Daarkseid: Can't.......breathe...... asthma....... attt......
Glitch: Ghaleon, I told you not to eat those Carnival Beans!
-Ghaleon is seen with a doleful look on his face.
Moocow: He'll die!
War Lord: Alright niggers, out of my wheels, fast....
-The car shakes, and shakes, and no one can get out. They are stuck.
******** Transition to a treetop. The car is seen a few dozen yards away. **********
-ZeldaFan is in the treetops with binoculars. He grabs his PDA and starts typing a private message on AGN.
ZeldaFan>>>>> War Lord and all his friends are stuck in their car. They can't get out. You have time. Move.
Lightningz>>>>>> shur? how u knwo?
ZeldaFan>>>>>>>> I'm hiding up in a tree just a few hundred feet from War Lord's car.
Lightningz>>>>>> u bee seen?
ZeldaFan>>>>>> No, it's a good tree. Biggest one at the park. Lots of branches. Good for hiding.
Lightningz>>>>>>>> i taik source. keep lookowt
*********** Transition to AGN Clubhouse **********
-Lightningz is seen sneaking very stealthily into the clubhouse. It has a big banner colored in markers that says "AGN Convention 2007". He looks around, and finds a desk. He opens the drawers and starts fumbling around.
Lightningz: Ahahaaaaaa!!
-Lightningz pulls out a CD ROM labeled Zelda Classic v 2.4 Source (Win/Linux). He places it on the desk, and pulls out his PDA.
Lightningz >>>>>>> i find source. we leeve.
<submit>
-Lightningz stares at his PDA for a few moments
Lightninz: dam slow servur. i gonna offur worlord hosting. i got 200 survers. fiber optik
-Lightningz stares at it a bit longer.
-Footsteps are heard
Lightning: fastr... fast....
-Here we see Breaker stride quickly into the room in his red power ranger outfit. He walks without hesitation towards Lightningz.
-Lightningz turns, cries out, and starts to run, but stumbles a bit.
-Breaker is too fast. He reaches out, grabs Lightningz by the back of his coat, easily lifts him off the ground, and carries him out of the clubhouse.
-Lightningz is wailing and thrashing his legs, struggling to no avail to break free.
-Breaker pulls out a pair of handcuffs, shoves Lightningz on the ground, steps on his neck, and cuffs his hands together as Lightningz squirms on the ground, his yelps muffled in the dirt.
-Breaker then proceeds to carry Lightningz off the screen like he's carrying a bag of trash.
*********** Cut to the large open area from the beginning of the fair scene ****************
-We see that all the AGNerds are gathered around a cattle cart that is now parked in the grass, hooked up to the back of War Lord's car. ZeldaFan is already in it, locked inside.
-Breaker opens the cart. ZeldaFan tries to dash out, Breaker kicks him back in, and throws Lightningz on top of him, quickly slamming the door shut and relocking it.
Lightningz: u got cot too?
-ZeldaFan's lip is trembling.
War Lord: They thought they could steal the source. We've called the FBI, and they'll be here any minute now.
Lightningz: how u know my plan? it too good to be fail.
-A loud swoosh is heard, along with a familiar tune from Zelda: Wind Waker.
-Dark Nation flies onto the scene riding a magical flying carpet.
Dark Nation: I think I can answer that!
AMaster: DARK NATION!!!!!!!
-AMaster drops to the ground and bows, as most of the AGNerds kneel in respect.
Dark Nation: *chuckle* *chuckle* They shouldn't have been so foolish as to be discussing their plans on AGN's Private Message system. I just recently coded a hack with my l33t programming skills allowing me to read all AGN members' private messages.
Dark Nation: Let that be a lesson to you all. Never say anything in PM that you don't want the whole world knowing, or at least the Admins!
-Everyone has a look of awe on their face.
Dark Nation: And with that being said, I am off. Much work to do, many custom enemies to code!
Dark Nation: Squaddalah!!!
-With Dark Nation's command, the carpet takes off into their air, and sails out of sight, once again with a whoosh, and a familiar Wind Waker tune.
-Ooohs and aaahs are heard from the crowd.
Glitch: Time to punish these fuckers.
********* Camera cuts to Master Ghaleon, as he mouths down a spoonful of beans ********
-We see ZeldaFan and Lightningz, tied to the ground, as Master Ghaleon squats down right above their faces and smiles.
********** Freeze Frame ********
-Directed by Glenn the Great
********** Roll Credits ********
********** Audience Applauding as Credits Roll *********
***** (c) Glenn Corps. 2007
Ha! Good stuff. But where was I?
Darth Marsden wrote:Ha! Good stuff. But where was I?
You were too cool to be at the convention. But you'll definitely show up in a later episode, just wait and see!
...forgiven. This time.
Glenn the Great wrote:You were too cool to be at the convention. But you'll definitely show up in a later episode, just wait and see!
*waits*
*waits*
*works on Level 9 of his quest*
*waits*
Pineconn wrote:*waits**waits*
*works on Level 9 of his quest*
*waits*
Don't rush me, I have to have time to foment in my creative juices.